Singing baristas!

So, Sunday at Starbucks was a little insane. Okay... we got massacred. Seth started throwing up and had to go home, and the line just got longer and longer. I was working the bar, experiencing a bit of a throwback to my days at the downtown store. I reached my barista zenith there, sometime during the colder months. I remember barring by myself on a Sunday, and Dave Matthews Band music was playing, and it was like everything slowed down enough that I could just kind of watch my hands working. Time slowed down, and I was going insanely fast. Almost everything I was doing was automatic. Nonstop line for hours, nonstop line of drinks for hours. I miss that.

Anyway. By the time Zoe came in, we were still busy, but it was slowing a little. At that point, the other Diana, Gail, and I were losing our minds a little. So... I started singing. Then, Zoe joined in. Then, Gail joined in. We went through an entire Beatles set, to Alanis Morissette, the Pretenders, Prince... we finished with "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." Then, I threw up, so I left.

A customer on Monday morning who had been in on Sunday approached me and started to say something about Sunday. I immediately apologized, saying we'd gotten slammed, were understaffed, and started to go a little nutty. Her reaction was, "No, it was great, I loved it! You were singing some of my favorite Beatles songs!"

Really??

Zoe and I don't have the greatest voices, but it helped lighten the mood, and we were having fun... so we're going to make this a regular thing. Singing baristas when we work together. We're building a list of songs now, with lots of the Beatles, Prince, even the Talking Heads ("Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?"). So, um... come see the singing baristas. And get a Clover.

Life at one thousand miles per hour.

I realized how fast things are passing me by today. I can't believe it's already almost October, and I haven't taken a real vacation in ages. I've worked 42 consecutive days as of tonight. It doesn't look like I will have a vacation until January, maybe February, and who wants to take a vacation then? I can't afford to go anywhere tropical.

It seems like every minute I'm not working, I'm doing something for work, or I'm moving heavy stuff, like furniture and boxes. I can't believe my hair is already in need of a haircut again. I can't afford one anyway. I don't remember the last time I actually did my hair; I've been just washing it and then running out the door for months now. Somehow, it looks nice most of the time. My body has gotten into the annoying habit of aching really badly every time I move a limb later in the day, which is seriously slowing me down at work. I'm starting to wonder if the way I schedule myself makes me slightly masochistic. If I could have anything, I would just ask for a hug from each of my parents and my sister. I'd kill to be ten years old again, with my mother yelling at me to finish my milk at the dinner table while I feed things to the waiting dog under the table. Things I want to keep up with - world news, reading, cleaning my room, having clean clothes - have fallen by the wayside. I never feel like I have time to think anymore. One of these days, I'm really, truly going to have some time off, and all of the things that have been stuck in some corner of my mind are going to hit me all at once. Like driving too fast and then hitting the brakes hard, an ugly pileup of cars that is an insurance adjustor's nightmare. Like a ton of bricks.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to make these great strides toward moving forward with Starbucks, and the extra work is eating up what little time I have to myself. I can't believe someone who had never had regular coffee before working for Starbucks now has her arms wrapped so tightly around a coffee company and its whole bean offerings that the smell of unadulterated coffee beans is a huge comfort that soothes my tired mind. It's the first thing I notice when I walk into my room. I don't know that the me of 7 years ago - about when I first became a Starbucks customer - would recognize me now at all. Coffee addict/connoisseur, workaholic.

I'd better get to sleep. I need to be up for my first cup of the day in five hours, and ready to serve a thousand cups in six hours.

Why bother?

The title of this post takes me back to Highland Park Village, working at Starbucks, watching Dragan shrug and ask, "Why bother?" any time anyone ordered something with no fat, no sugar, and no caffeine - like a decaf tall sugar free vanilla nonfat latte, or a decaf tall nonfat no whip no foam mocha, or something like that. I guess his point was, if you're not going to do anything fun with it or depend on it for a spark, then why bother spending the $3-4? Beats me. I drink caffeinated black coffee like it's water.

But the "Why bother?" here refers to my complete lack of purpose, especially in New England. If someone here giving a shit about me at all is the caffeine in my beverage, making enough to support myself and pay bills is the whipped cream on top. Unfortunately, I have neither, and as I go through the daily grind (pun intended), I can't help but ask myself why I'm still in Boston or alive at all. Why do I work so hard when it isn't enough anyway? Why do I try to be conscientious at work when the people who will benefit from it snap at me? Why do I even leave the house when my chances of meeting anyone - literally anyone - nice are slim? Why do I do people favors when I know I can't get one in return? Why bother?

I am so tired of being snapped at, yelled at, and told "no." One of these days, I'm going to have had enough, and I'll give up. I just won't show at work, and I'll be gone.

My laptop lives again!

...Though I have to say, I didn't miss being online much. Really, I only missed it the couple of times I needed driving directions and then, the night I figured out I didn't have a country CD anywhere in my book of CDs in my car, and I really wanted to come home and burn a new one. So, I'm taking some time now to catch up on e-mail (yeah, 800 new e-mails, it's going to take a while) and facebook (while listening to Amarillo By Morning and Texas On My Mind, of course).

A lot has happened lately, but I don't think I'll get around to talking about any of it. I haven't had much time to process the craziness that is my life right now. I work 70ish hours a week and spend whatever remains of my time sleeping or doing laundry. I went for a drive late last night after work to give myself time to think. It reminded me of the times I used to drive down Preston Road in Dallas, from my Starbucks in Highland Park all the way out to Celina, past the creepy graveyard and closed gas station. Unfortunately, the territory was foreign, not familiar, so it was not as relaxing as it would have been had I been on State Highway 289 in my beloved state of Texas.

Really, I miss Texas, and all of the Texans I love. I'm tired of being alone. Work at Starbucks has been going fine, but I have utterly failed at meeting people outside of work. I'm not used to having to try so hard. I will be coming home for one of the major holidays (I haven't decided which yet; all I know is I've been told I can take one holiday, and the Starbucks that hired me has offered to take me in while I'm home). I hope I make it that far. Life isn't easy right now, and it seems like it's just getting harder.

Other things to look forward to this fall... my Starbucks anniversary is December 4th, so I will be hosting some sort of dinner. The Head of the Charles is coming up, and I will be flying my mother up for either that weekend or the one right after. Hopefully, I will have furniture by then. Ha. But really, it would be nice to get off of this air mattress.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hopefully, things will get better, and I'll feel like eating again. At least I now have a working computer again.