Why bother?

The title of this post takes me back to Highland Park Village, working at Starbucks, watching Dragan shrug and ask, "Why bother?" any time anyone ordered something with no fat, no sugar, and no caffeine - like a decaf tall sugar free vanilla nonfat latte, or a decaf tall nonfat no whip no foam mocha, or something like that. I guess his point was, if you're not going to do anything fun with it or depend on it for a spark, then why bother spending the $3-4? Beats me. I drink caffeinated black coffee like it's water.

But the "Why bother?" here refers to my complete lack of purpose, especially in New England. If someone here giving a shit about me at all is the caffeine in my beverage, making enough to support myself and pay bills is the whipped cream on top. Unfortunately, I have neither, and as I go through the daily grind (pun intended), I can't help but ask myself why I'm still in Boston or alive at all. Why do I work so hard when it isn't enough anyway? Why do I try to be conscientious at work when the people who will benefit from it snap at me? Why do I even leave the house when my chances of meeting anyone - literally anyone - nice are slim? Why do I do people favors when I know I can't get one in return? Why bother?

I am so tired of being snapped at, yelled at, and told "no." One of these days, I'm going to have had enough, and I'll give up. I just won't show at work, and I'll be gone.