Saturday, July 11, 2009

I'm looking for housing in Austin... I found a bunch of crazy people instead.

My impending move to Austin has me a little nervous about my ability to find an apartment. I have, thus, turned to the internet to look at places ahead of time. Rent.com sends me spam. Apartments.com has archaic quotes for rent (one place had rents listed $200 below their current rates). Property management companies' web sites would have me believe I will be living on an oasis near every interesting hangout and happening in the Austin area with washer/dryer included for a mere $475/month.

Craigslist.org has dozens of insane people looking to do one of two things: a) sell me their product/web site/house or b) make me their roommate. The responses inspired enough roaring laughter and incredulity among my friends and family that I thought them worthy to share with you. Names/e-mail addresses have been removed in order to protect the mentally impaired.


<***********@hotmail.com>
to northaustinapts@gmail.com

date Fri, Jul 3, 2009 at 12:14 PM

Hello,

We will have an opening in our house soon. There are a good mix of people living here. We are all into bicycles, I ride a 12 mile commute daily. We are 420 friendly, but it is not a main part of out day.
The house is just a mile or so from campus and has a couple of guys and a couple of girls. actually 4 guys and 2 girls. 3 people live in the house and the rest stay in tents in our nice little back yard that has a fire pit, rope ladder, and ping pong table. People have joked before that our backyard looks like a photo from an REI catalog.
The opening is in the second biggest room in the house and rent is around $300- $400 depending on how many tenters are here. Bills usually run $30-40. There is a house computer with internet, and high speed connection for the room.

We were wondering when you were wanting to move in somewhere, and if this living situation would be good for you. Everyone at the house is laid back and although we party sometimes, the house is generally quiet. We are into making kombucha, yogurt, people sew here, most everyone plays piano, and we have one (1) small cat named Bones. I personally am allergic to most cats but this one doesn't seem to bother me. I really prefer dogs, but am at a point in my life where I will most likely be moving and traveling quite a bit in the next few years so... no dog.


If this sounds interesting to you we can set up a meeting.
Cheers,

M***
p.s. The house is having some changes as a couple of people are moving (hence the room).]

Maybe they keep the cost of bills down by having community showers with the garden hose in the backyard?
definition of kombucha from dictionary.com: (kŏm'bōō'chä')
n. A lightly sparkling beverage made by fermenting black or green tea and sugar a culture of various bacteria and yeasts.

from <**************@gmail.com>
to northaustinapts@gmail.com
date Fri, Jul 3, 2009 at 11:26 AM
subject Re: Apartment Needed for End of August
mailed-by gmail.com

let he have you number I have something I think you would be intrested in.

This was all the e-mail said. He/she didn't tell me anything about who they are, what/where this place is, or their contact information, yet I'm supposed to deliver my phone number?

<***************@gmail.com>
to northaustinapts@gmail.com
date Fri, Jul 3, 2009 at 7:54 AM
subject regarding your ad on craigslist
mailed-by gmail.com
signed-by gmail.com

Greetings,
I happened to realize that your looking for a tennancy via craigs list. I realised I may as well shoot you an email when I had the idea, since I have been up to a great amount of of toing and froing over the past few months, [about 5] pack ups, and have attempted going for a place on craigs list with not even any result. I recommend you have a look at this site http://***********.**********.com

Another guy actually recommended the site, when I had no success on craigs list and 3 other sites, so now im doing the kind deed : D The company have absolutely helped me the last 3 occassions when I have been finding a new place, and have an excellent amount to choose from, if you simply copy the site's steps.

Really hope it helps at least,
*****

This was clearly a scam, or at least someone trying to sell a web site. What struck me about it was its grammatically awkward writing.

There were a few others from people wanting me to work for their oil companies for free housing or wanting me to pay to live in their homes while they were apparently in Nigeria. The catch? They also wanted me to fill out every single detail about myself and my life over the past few years in good faith.

Here's one guy who wants me to be his "payment representative" and stay at his place while he is in London. I get the distinct impression there would be drugs involved:

********* *******
<*********@gmail.com>reply-to*********@gmail.com
to northaustinapts@gmail.com
date Fri, Jul 10, 2009 at 3:35 PM
subject APARTMENT IN AUSTIN
mailed-by gmail.com

Hello,
I reside and owned a two bedroom apartment in Austin but i am presently in London with my family on an official trip. Am using this opportunity to inform you that i have a vacant furnished two bedroom apartment with all amenities including internet facility.Am looking for someone that can take care of the apartment on my behalf without paying any rental fee but who will in turn serve as my payment representative in Austin because i majorly deals in art work which i am presently in London on an official trip to exhibit some of my art works for my clients in London.You can contact me if you are interested in this offer in other for me to send you the apartment information as well as the job description.

Sweet! Just what I always wanted - to a) be a drug dealer, b) give all of my personal and financial information to someone I don't know who resides in Nigeria but has internet access, c) be a hippie living in a commune, or d) give out my phone number to creepy dudes on the internet.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The devil's own coffee.

Starbucks SKU # 666 corresponds to one pound of Italian Roast.

I found this particularly interesting for a few reasons:

-Italian Roast is one of our more darkly roasted coffees. In other words, the beans spend more time in the fire. Fitting for one whose time is spent in the vast pits of flames believed to fill Hell.
-Dante Alighieri, whose personal interpretation of the devil, as shared in his Inferno, is a commonly accepted portrait of the one called Satan, was Italian. Florentine, to be exact.
-Rome, the seat of the Pope and the heart of Catholicism as well as Christianity, is in Italy. I need not elaborate on this irony.

These are all of the connections I can make at this time. Italian Roast being a coffee of high intensity, intricate boldness, and decadent sweetness (compared to the smokiness of French Roast), it seems an appropriate choice for Lucifer.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Life lessons: red, red wine.

Saturday night, I pulled out the Casillero Del Diablo wine I bought from Blanchard's. The Cabernet Sauvignon was a good buy - about $10 if I remember correctly, and flavorful without being overwhelming, full-bodied without being punchy, with a light oak background. For my first foray into the world of Chilean wine, I was quite pleased.

So anyway, Saturday night, I'm in bed, reading and drinking a glass of red wine. I guess I fell asleep at some point, but in the throes of some nightmare, I seized while waking up and knocked the glass of red wine off of my bedside table and into my bed. All over my favorite sheets that I've had since freshman year of college.

If that doesn't wake you up fast, I don't know what will.

In a 4 AM stupor, I somehow realized that the best course of action was to get the sheets off of my bed as soon as possible and get them into the washer. I would have liked to let them soak all night, but 30 minutes was the maximum. So I soaked them with Tide, then ran a full washing load a few hours later. I was quite pleased with myself when I pulled the sheets from the machine and they were almost completely free of stains.

I was not so pleased with myself, however, when I glanced into the full-length mirror on my bedroom door on my way to take a shower before work. In case you were not aware, red wine stains your skin, and considering I was laying on my back when the glass spilled all over the bed, I now bore purplish stains that literally covered the entire back side of my body, from my neck to my calves. The shower I took then didn't help, and it took several more to get all of the stains off.

So if you do happen to take an accidental bath in red wine, get any clothes or sheets directly into the washing machine... and remember to at least rinse yourself off.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

This part of my life is called working harder.

In hot pursuit of happiness, I have made a choice that is... there's no other way to say this: ballsy. I hardly even recognize myself because I don't usually do things this ballsy. Inspired by the ballsy nature of the decision, I very nearly - on the spot - called a guy in whom I am interested to ask him out. I was hindered by the fact that I deleted his phone number from my phone some weeks ago.

So, what is this happiness I am pursuing? How do I personally define it? Happiness is different for everyone, I think. If I'm going to be putting serious effort into capturing it, making it mine, I sure as hell had better know what it looks and feels like, so I have a target. It looks like madness, with a method, always. It feels like my heart swelling with all things good in appropriate amounts. It is a pancake breakfast filled with laughter with my roommates. It is working hard, but not excessively. It is a smile that shows in my eyes. It is a cute dog on a leash that I hold. It is waves crashing on a beach while I watch from the warm sand. It is a hot cup of quality coffee early in the day. It is a college degree in my hands. It is enough money in my bank account so that I don't have to worry too much about bills. It is a job I enjoy that puts that money in my bank account. It is reaching my dreams in this lifetime. It is me, in Texas. It is a hug from my mother.

How do I get there from here? Well, to start, I need to be saving money. A lot of it. Money doesn't buy you happiness, but unfortunately, happiness does cost money. College degrees aren't cheap, and neither is moving across the country. Can I make it in Boston? Yes. I am not homeless, not hungry, and not insane. Do I want to be here that much longer? No. I am a Texan to the core, and it's difficult for me to be in a place like this. I don't know how long it will take me to get out of here - it could be 9 months, it could be a couple of years - but this decision should accelerate the process.

This is going to be the hardest I've ever worked. Harder than this past fall, when I averaged 60-65 hours a week. Harder than almost two years ago, when I averaged 75-80 hours a week. Harder than full-time school on top of full-time work. This is full-time work, on top of full-time work, with intensive training. In order to excel at both places, I will be doing homework and research whenever I'm not at work. Oh, and I still have to eat, sleep, wash my clothes, and run errands.

If this all goes through, and I hope it does, I have a couple of weeks to get organized. This basically means that I need to get my eating habits under control - so actually eating every now and then - and get my room together, organized, clean. Get my bed put together. Get my desk properly set up to accommodate plenty of books, papers, and whatever else applies. I need to cultivate habits to encourage consistent patterns of taking good care of myself without having the time to think about it. I need to set a schedule for myself. I need to actually use the planner I got.

I do love to work hard. When I don't take good care of myself, I can't work hard. I'm kind of taking a big risk here. It's a big investment of time and energy. I'm going to have to work hard just to set myself up for success well enough so that I can get up every day to bust my own ass. So I guess this part of my life is called working harder.