This part of my life is called working harder.

In hot pursuit of happiness, I have made a choice that is... there's no other way to say this: ballsy. I hardly even recognize myself because I don't usually do things this ballsy. Inspired by the ballsy nature of the decision, I very nearly - on the spot - called a guy in whom I am interested to ask him out. I was hindered by the fact that I deleted his phone number from my phone some weeks ago.

So, what is this happiness I am pursuing? How do I personally define it? Happiness is different for everyone, I think. If I'm going to be putting serious effort into capturing it, making it mine, I sure as hell had better know what it looks and feels like, so I have a target. It looks like madness, with a method, always. It feels like my heart swelling with all things good in appropriate amounts. It is a pancake breakfast filled with laughter with my roommates. It is working hard, but not excessively. It is a smile that shows in my eyes. It is a cute dog on a leash that I hold. It is waves crashing on a beach while I watch from the warm sand. It is a hot cup of quality coffee early in the day. It is a college degree in my hands. It is enough money in my bank account so that I don't have to worry too much about bills. It is a job I enjoy that puts that money in my bank account. It is reaching my dreams in this lifetime. It is me, in Texas. It is a hug from my mother.

How do I get there from here? Well, to start, I need to be saving money. A lot of it. Money doesn't buy you happiness, but unfortunately, happiness does cost money. College degrees aren't cheap, and neither is moving across the country. Can I make it in Boston? Yes. I am not homeless, not hungry, and not insane. Do I want to be here that much longer? No. I am a Texan to the core, and it's difficult for me to be in a place like this. I don't know how long it will take me to get out of here - it could be 9 months, it could be a couple of years - but this decision should accelerate the process.

This is going to be the hardest I've ever worked. Harder than this past fall, when I averaged 60-65 hours a week. Harder than almost two years ago, when I averaged 75-80 hours a week. Harder than full-time school on top of full-time work. This is full-time work, on top of full-time work, with intensive training. In order to excel at both places, I will be doing homework and research whenever I'm not at work. Oh, and I still have to eat, sleep, wash my clothes, and run errands.

If this all goes through, and I hope it does, I have a couple of weeks to get organized. This basically means that I need to get my eating habits under control - so actually eating every now and then - and get my room together, organized, clean. Get my bed put together. Get my desk properly set up to accommodate plenty of books, papers, and whatever else applies. I need to cultivate habits to encourage consistent patterns of taking good care of myself without having the time to think about it. I need to set a schedule for myself. I need to actually use the planner I got.

I do love to work hard. When I don't take good care of myself, I can't work hard. I'm kind of taking a big risk here. It's a big investment of time and energy. I'm going to have to work hard just to set myself up for success well enough so that I can get up every day to bust my own ass. So I guess this part of my life is called working harder.